Sunday, August 9, 2009

Thoughts...

Friends. Thank you for your sweet comments, thoughts, concerns, advice, and love. I definitely have felt prayed for. It has been a tough few days. I was a ball of tears all day Friday, whenever I tried to talk about this tender situation. On Saturday, I felt like half the day I was living outside myself; sort of disconnected. I finally was able to take a nap yesterday, and stop my head from thinking and rethinking about every little thing, and after that, I felt much better. I have perspective now.

We are a family of faith. We believe that God can do anything. I know that I have enough faith to have my little baby completely healed. That being said, both the husband and I feel very strongly that it isn't in the plan for him to be healed. We feel that this is a challenge that needs to be accepted and faced head-on, and that it will be a long and difficult road. There will be lots of heartache; lots of trials; lots of worry and agony. However, there will also be lots of love; lots of strength; lots of support; lots of growth. It will be an inspiring journey. It won't be easy, by any means. But it is what needs to happen.

Whether all the surgeries will be successful, and whether his little heart will be able to redirect itself to get the job done, and whether his little arteries grow big enough to make the surgeries successful...is to be determined. Whatever happens, he is part of our family forever. I don't know if we will physically have him for only a short time, or if he will live into adulthood. I only know that everything will be ok. The link we have with this little baby will go on for eternity.

Since the traumatic news was told to me, I have felt like I had warm arms encircling me and comforting me. I know that is the love of our Heavenly Father, as well as all the prayers that have been said on our behalf. I thank you for that. It has been my lifesaver. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I don't need to be worried. I need to be strong and faithful. This didn't happen because I did something wrong. This didn't happen because God wasn't watching over me. This happened because it is something that we need to go through. It will make us stronger. One of my favorite sayings is that God will never give you a trial you cannot overcome. I truly believe that. Not only that, He is with me every step of the way on this difficult journey. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you want to know more about my faith, please go to LDS.org for more information.

If you want to know a bit more about what heart defect our baby suffers from, he has Pulmonary Valve Atresia with Tricuspid Valve Hypoplasia/Atresia, and Hypoplastic Right Ventricle. This basically means that his right ventricle is not formed, is completely closed off to the pulmonary valve, and cannot pump blood into the lungs to get oxygenated. Here is a great link that describes his condition with simplicity. Not all of it pertains to him, and it is not a complete list of his problems, but it has some really good basic information.

For the next few months I will be monitored closely by both my neonatal cardiologists, as well as my OB, via checkups and ultrasounds. His progress will be examined, and then it will be determined if I deliver here in Colorado Springs, or up in Denver. Regardless, we will have to go to Denver soon after he is born so that he can have his surgery. For now, there is nothing to be done except maintain my strength, keep stress to a minimum, and prepare for the arrival of our precious baby. The doctors need him strong and healthy when he is born, so he can recover well from the surgery.

We have decided not to buy a house at this time. We feel strongly that we need to minimize things before he is born, and moving would be too stressful for me. Plus, we would be moving to a new area, and we wouldn't have the abundant support that we have now with our church family. That will be an important step in helping us through this difficult situation.

Again, thank you all so much. Feel free to ask questions. This is something that is a part of us now. We are embracing it. We are enduring.

20 comments:

Jo Buckner said...

You are such a strong woman and have such a strong family. Your positive attitude and faith will get you through this. Now is a time to prepare for this wonderful gift you have been given and you are doing all you can. Take care of yourself for him and the rest will fall into place. Make sure that you take ANY help that is offered to you and your family and all will be blessed. I love you and miss you and will be prayiner for you!!!

runningfan said...

I am so glad you have decided to stay! Living here, where you are known and loved and supported, will make your journey easier. We will help you!

Dan and Katie said...

Ditto to what Heidi said. You guys are awesome, and Dan and I want to help in any and all ways we can. You are a great example!

Colleen said...

What beautiful thoughts, Shaina! I appreciate you sharing them. Your faith truly strengthens my own. I am glad you are staying too, although I wish with all my heart it was for a different reason! We are all here for you and your family!

Stacey said...

Oh Shaina! I am just now reading your blog posts! Sounds like you have really come to peace with whatever is in God's plan and that it is in His hands. Just know my heart goes out to you and your family and I will remember you in my prayers. **HUGS**

Laura said...

Your family will be in my prayers. This family has a similar story (just different problem) and now have a true miracle baby in their home.
http://www.thetuleys.blogspot.com/

I don't know you personally, but was touched by your story.

The Mitchells said...

Oh Shaina! What a great perspective you have! I will keep you and your family in our prayers!

Sara said...

Shaina, I just read your posts, and my heart goes out to you. I admire your strength of faith so early on. Your wonderful family are just the people to care for and help bring miracles to pass for this little guy. We had some heart-related health scares with Andrew, and I know what how scary, stressful, and emotional it is. I found great comfort in priesthood blessings, and in the faith and prayers of others and their willingness to help. I'm glad you have so many good friends out there. I wish we were closer to help you! We'll be praying for you and thinking of your family and your baby!

dippyrooroo said...

My friend Shaina! I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful, real, and strong friend. I know that there are going to be moments in all the days ahead where you don't feel too inspired or inspiring, but your faith and diligence really are a shinning example and a ray of hope. Love you lots!

I'm Always Rite said...

I have been praying for you so much and I am so relieved to see that you are ready to face this challenge. When I've prayed for you I have gotten the same impression... that it isn't in the plan for him to be healed. I couldn't imagine why, but Heavenly Father knows you better than anyone. He knows you are exactly who this baby needs and, you're right, he wouldn't give this to you if he didn't know you would handle it well. You are truly a Wonder Woman! You are in my prayers always! Love you guys!

courtney said...

Shaina,
I only just now read what is going on, I am so sorry! I know that with how organized and giving you are that you will be a great mom for this little baby and will be able to take care of all the needs that arise from this trial. At the same time, there are many blessings that will present themselves through all this and I am glad that you have good friends in that area who can help you! I will talk with Jared about figuring out a way to come and stay there while you have the baby so that you and Heath can travel and do what you need to do to help the baby. I love you and know that Heavenly Father knows exactly what He is doing!

Karen and Matt said...

Shaina,
I'm so sorry to hear about this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are a strong amazing woman! You are a great example and you totally inspire me. Heavenly Father loves you, and Jesus loves you, and you have a great support group around you that loves you! It's not going to be easy, but you will make it through all of this, just like you said. I wish you the best through all of this, and my heart really goes out to you at this time. Hugs to you and your family!!!
P.S. I love the ultrasound picture from your previous post, too adorable!

amy said...

Oh Shaina,
I am so sorry to hear that your little baby is having trouble. My hear and prayers are with you. My sweet friend, I know you are a very strong person. I know it will be your strength in the lord that will get you through.

Love Amy

Ande said...

Shaina, our thoughts and prayers are with you. My friend had a little boy a few years ago with the same kind of problem. They have had many trials, but I agree with you, you can see the love and know that they will be together forever no matter what happens. He is doing well and is leading a normal life. If you ever need anything you can always give me a call and I will do what I can. Love you. Ande

ronee said...

amazing! not that i can even even really know what you are dealing with..i have lost many children. I too am comforted in the fact that families are eternal! I pray that the Holy Spirit will wrap his arms around you and comfort you through this time! I pray for your strength and this experience brings you closer to our Heavenly Father and bonds your family!

Heidi said...

Shaina, You are so strong. I have been praying for you and your entire family and will continue to do so!

Nicki said...

Shaina,
Thanks for talking all of us through this--you passing out strength is nothing new! You are truly amazing. XO

Maynards said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am really glad you decided to stay! I am back home, and if you need anything, even a shoulder to cry on or just a listening ear, I am here. Our hearts can hurt and heal together.

Adri said...

Thank you for sharing, Shaina. Sometimes I think the greatest gift of the Spirit is perspective.

We've been really impressed, so far, with Children's Hospital. I'm assuming that's where your pediatric specialists will be, right?

Rayna said...

Wow, I just got caught up! I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, but like everyone has said you are a strong woman. I also believe that you are a wonderful MOM and you were meant for this little spirit.
And yes, I too, know about difficult trials and how our Heavenly Father is right there with us through them. It's so comforting to know he is there!
Most importantly that we can be an eternal family!
Take care and your family is in my prayers!