Friends. Thank you for your sweet comments, thoughts, concerns, advice, and love. I definitely have felt prayed for. It has been a tough few days. I was a ball of tears all day Friday, whenever I tried to talk about this tender situation. On Saturday, I felt like half the day I was living outside myself; sort of disconnected. I finally was able to take a nap yesterday, and stop my head from thinking and rethinking about every little thing, and after that, I felt much better. I have perspective now.
We are a family of faith. We believe that God can do anything. I know that I have enough faith to have my little baby completely healed. That being said, both the husband and I feel very strongly that it isn't in the plan for him to be healed. We feel that this is a challenge that needs to be accepted and faced head-on, and that it will be a long and difficult road. There will be lots of heartache; lots of trials; lots of worry and agony. However, there will also be lots of love; lots of strength; lots of support; lots of growth. It will be an inspiring journey. It won't be easy, by any means. But it is what needs to happen.
Whether all the surgeries will be successful, and whether his little heart will be able to redirect itself to get the job done, and whether his little arteries grow big enough to make the surgeries successful...is to be determined. Whatever happens, he is part of our family forever. I don't know if we will physically have him for only a short time, or if he will live into adulthood. I only know that everything will be ok. The link we have with this little baby will go on for eternity.
Since the traumatic news was told to me, I have felt like I had warm arms encircling me and comforting me. I know that is the love of our Heavenly Father, as well as all the prayers that have been said on our behalf. I thank you for that. It has been my lifesaver. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I don't need to be worried. I need to be strong and faithful. This didn't happen because I did something wrong. This didn't happen because God wasn't watching over me. This happened because it is something that we need to go through. It will make us stronger. One of my favorite sayings is that God will never give you a trial you cannot overcome. I truly believe that. Not only that, He is with me every step of the way on this difficult journey. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you want to know more about my faith, please go to LDS.org for more information.
If you want to know a bit more about what heart defect our baby suffers from, he has Pulmonary Valve Atresia with Tricuspid Valve Hypoplasia/Atresia, and Hypoplastic Right Ventricle. This basically means that his right ventricle is not formed, is completely closed off to the pulmonary valve, and cannot pump blood into the lungs to get oxygenated. Here is a great link that describes his condition with simplicity. Not all of it pertains to him, and it is not a complete list of his problems, but it has some really good basic information.
For the next few months I will be monitored closely by both my neonatal cardiologists, as well as my OB, via checkups and ultrasounds. His progress will be examined, and then it will be determined if I deliver here in Colorado Springs, or up in Denver. Regardless, we will have to go to Denver soon after he is born so that he can have his surgery. For now, there is nothing to be done except maintain my strength, keep stress to a minimum, and prepare for the arrival of our precious baby. The doctors need him strong and healthy when he is born, so he can recover well from the surgery.
We have decided not to buy a house at this time. We feel strongly that we need to minimize things before he is born, and moving would be too stressful for me. Plus, we would be moving to a new area, and we wouldn't have the abundant support that we have now with our church family. That will be an important step in helping us through this difficult situation.
Again, thank you all so much. Feel free to ask questions. This is something that is a part of us now. We are embracing it. We are enduring.