Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Stalker Mailman

The thing that's bad about having a stalker as a mailman, is that he knows all your personal information! He knows where you live, which..come on. That is a biggie! He knows when you get a box of checks in the mail from the bank. He knows what bills you have. He knows if you have the type of parents who send care packages. He also knows if you have a boyfriend. Well, at least he knew I had a boyfriend that wrote to me. Boy, did that cause some jealousy.

My third year in college, I had a stalker mailman. He was in his late 30's, with a mustache and a pot belly. He enjoyed wearing the postal carrier thigh-hugging shorts that came with his uniform, as opposed to the pants, which he grudgingly wore in the cold season. He also wore his black calf-length socks rolled down to his ankles, so he could soak up as much sun as possible when he was working his route. And work his route he did!

There must've been about 25 complexes that he was responsible for, and all of them were centered between my apartment complex, and the University. It wasn't long before the mailman started recognizing us, when my roommates and I would come down to get the mail. He would tell us if one of us got a package, or if we just got some magazines. He would also comment if I got a letter from "my missionary".

I was writing to a guy I had dated on and off through high school and college. Even though this guy had my proper address, he didn't usually put my name on the envelope. Instead, he wrote down the little nickname he had for me, which was "Sunshine". Thus I had to tell the mailman that any letters addressed as such, were meant for me, so he wouldn't send them back as "return to sender". However, this little pet name really made my mailman jealous. He would grumpily hand over my sunshine letters, and ask me why I would waste my time on a missionary when he, himself, was ready and able. At first, I was shocked. My mailman had a crush on me!

Things continued though. Sometimes he would say that he was going to keep all the letters my missionary wrote to me, instead of delivering them. "I could throw these away, you know" he would say to me. I replied that it was a federal offense to tamper with mail. After that, he tried different tactics. "The girls in 3F leave me cookies in the mailbox. Why don't you?" I told him that it would be a shame to wake up one morning and not be able to fit into his uniform shorts, all because he ate too many cookies.

Then, I would see him as I was walking to school. He would swerve his little mailtruck to the sided of the road, where I was walking, and try to start up a conversation. "So, you going to your biology class, eh?" Oh my gosh! How much did this guy know about me? I got to where I knew the 9 digit number on the back of his mailtruck, and would go out of my way to steer clear of his route.

One day, he came to me right before spring break. "I'm going to take a trip to the Bahamas for Spring Break. Gonna get some more sun on these legs. Wanna join me?" WHAT? "Uh, no thanks. You go on and have a blast." He countered back "Come on! What are ya gonna do? Sit at home and write to your boyfriend?"

Well, I guess he went on his trip. It was a nice week without him stalking me, but when he came back, he seemed to "run into me" all the time. I couldn't shake him! That guy was really persistent.

It wasn't long before the end of the semester came, and my roommates and I all filled out forwarding address cards. He personally came to our door to collect ours. (no small surprise there.) When he flipped through the stack, he stopped at my card. Under "other names", I had put down "Sunshine". He snorted at this. "Your lucky you got any of those letters. I could have totally put them as "undeliverable". I thanked him for delivering the letters and shut the door in his face.

I was very glad to see the semester come to an end, so I wouldn't have to see the mailman anymore. The following fall, I lived in a different complex that was out of his mailroute. Every once in a while, I would see his mailtruck, but he never saw me. Thank Goodness. Mailmen just know too much information. They make really great stalkers, unfortunately.


Rebecca said...

Crazy! I'm glad you didn't go to Mexico w/ him!

Shavonne said...

That's a little creepy! I think you should have reporting him to the proper mailman behavior board, or something!
And Wow! you had alot of comments for your giveaway!

Emily said...

Oh my goodness, what a weirdo! How freaky that would be to have someone who had access to so much of your personal info have such a huge crush on you! -e

-ps- Speaking of stalking, I still can't "follow" you for some reason? I'd really love the extra chance to win your gorgeous apron! And the immediate access to your new posts!

runningfan said...

Super creepy! I'm glad you had an easy out at the end of the semester...

Megan said...

Creepy!!! ugh! I had this creepy guy at one of my temp jobs (I was there 2 mo)who was always coming to talk to me at my desk and would say things that made me uncomfortable! He wrote me a letter and I gave it to HR and he was first told to stay away and then days later fired! I'm sorry you had to put up with that stalker for so long!

mary grace said...

creepy! we had a great mailman growing up, and while it was humorous how much he knew about us (our ages, due to birthday cards; the colleges we were applying to due to acceptance/rejection letters; where our boyfriends lived; who we talked to the most, etc.) it was always fun to see him when we came home from college on breaks and catch up on how he was doing. he was great at his job too... he found a birthday package for my mom that had been lost and delivered it personally one day :) sorry you didn't have as good of an experience!

amylouwho said...

That would be one of the funniest stories I've heard if the creep factor wasn't off the charts!

I like my mail lady. She's probably a bit younger than me and totally nice. We shared a moment a couple of weeks ago where she asked me about diapers because she needed some for her dog who was in heat.

I think I know a bit more about her and her dog than she does about me and my catalogs.

Jen Sue Wild said...

Thats just wat too creppy!

kdaygirl said...

My mailman has a time problem. He delivers mail super late. I think is because he stops and takes a nap somewhere. Sometimes our mail would come as late at 7pm.

I think he liked to drink too!

kendra said...

Cute that Heath posted his recipe.
Cute Tea Party - great idea
Cute Cute apron
Weird mailman!!

dippyrooroo said...

Wow, that Lolly is a good person to know! 99 responses! That's some steep competition!
I think I would have reported that creepy mail man! If you are having to change the pattern of your life because of the mailman!... Something's not right!

I'm Always Rite said...

I am without words....

Okay, not really, this is totally freaky and I totally would have maced his stalker... butt! Well, his face, but you know what I meant. Wow! You were definitely more patient than I would have been.