Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Right Now...

Right now, as I am sitting in my shaggy green bathrobe with my hair sticking up every which way, trying to delay getting ready as long as possible, I am contemplating what's happening in my life right now.

The kids are all playing upstairs, even though I have repeatedly told them to get their chores done. Keaton is wearing his old Captain Hook costume, which when we bought it, was super big on him. Now the velvet red jacket with the lacy collar and cuffs barely reach his wrists. Kamy has some scarves wrapped around her and looks very much like a traveling gypsy. Georgie is wearing the Christmas pajamas that we got her last year, and they look like capris on her now. Kolby is still wearing the jeans, dirty socks, and shirt that he wore yesterday, because getting that kid to take off his clothes at night, to go to bed, seems to be the most difficult thing we could ask him to do.

I'm listening to them all play so nicely together. They really do get along very well with each other.

I've also been thinking about this new little boy we will be welcoming to the family in two months. I always enjoy my pregnancies, and as with each one, there comes a point the last few weeks before the baby is born, that you just can't wait to NOT be pregnant anymore. Right now, I'm a bit nervous for that to happen. As long as I am pregnant with this little guy, he is safe and happy and strong. As soon as he is born, our life changes. He'll be taken out of my arms within minutes of being born, and will be monitored closely in the NICU until he has his first open heart surgery, within a day or two. I won't be able to feed him, snuggle to sleep with him, or rub lotion across his arms and legs. At least, I won't be able to do those things right away. That makes my heart ache.

So I'm quite enjoying the time that I have with him right now. At this point, he is completely mine. I feel every little movement he makes. I know when he wakes up at night. I know when he pushes his head against my bladder. I know when he responds to his daddy's voice. Nobody can take that away from me. I am enjoying this time thoroughly.

My last three babies were all born exactly 10 days early. If my body continues with the tradition, this little guy will make his appearance on November 8th. I am in the process of preregistering at the hospital here, as well as in Denver. Things are almost happening too fast for me. I almost hope these next two months go very slowly.

Thankfully, my mom will be able to come spend the month of November with us. While I am in the hospital with the baby, and Heath will be working every day, my mom will be here at home with the kids. I am so grateful that she is willing to sacrifice her time so that I can stay in the hospital with the baby and not have any worries about what's going on at home. I know everything will be just fine. That is a huge burden I don't have to deal with.

Lastly, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. He has been nothing but supportive and loving through this trial. He feels as tender about this situation as I do, but we both feel an overwhelming sense of calm. We know that this is not meant to be a burden in our lives. It will bless us and bring us closer together.

So right now, in my life, things are going very well. People ask me all the time "How are you doing?". I have my moments where emotions get the better of me, but for the most part, I am doing very well. I am healthy. The baby is healthy. The kids are healthy. Heath has a fabulous job with amazing benefits. We have wonderful friends who will sacrifice everything to help us out, and we are surrounded by the love of our Heavenly Father. So "right now" is actually pretty good.


runningfan said...

I'm so glad your mom is coming to take care of your family when your baby is born! That's awesome. I'll have to hunt for it, but I have a song for you to listen to. It's about treasuring the days of pregnancy that are just for you and the baby.

Maynards said...

Shaina, you are amazing. I am glad you mom will be here, but still I hope you don't hesitate to ask for ANYTHING! We are all here for you, and I promise, it helps a lot to just ask when you need it, even though it is hard. You are so strong.

Jen Sue Wild said...

Your qords hit a note with me.. I fealt the same way about William.. I was content for him to stay in side my womb as long as he could. I think I morned not being pregnat with him almost as much as I mourned his earthly presents being gone.
When i was pregnat all was well and I got exstra bonding moments with him. Thats when our spirts trully conected.
I still miss being pregnat with william.

enjoy every moment with your little guy in your womb..

Love you..

Mags said...

I remember 'that friend' I told you about. She couldn't nurse her guy so she pumped as long as she could. She also taught me infant massage because it was something she could do for her boy who went through a lot of what you are about to face. I don't know when she was allowed to do that with her son, I just know to her that replaced her inability to snuggle and nurse. So happy that your mom is coming to help. You and Heath are strong.

purejoy said...

so many rights. . . i'm so thankful for the things you're noticing.
enjoy this time with baby boy. . . the only time you don't have to share him with anyone.
womb sweet womb. may he enjoy his time with his mommy too.

courtney said...

I'm glad that you are doing well! Even though we don't talk on the phone alot, I think about you a lot and hope you know we are thinking and praying for you! Keep on Trekin'!

Colleen said...

What a blessing to have your mom coming for a month. And what a blessing to have "right now." Life is so unpredictable, we should all really embrace "right now" just as you have! I loved this post, it is so tender and true. What a great woman/mother/wife you are!

Ryan said...

Love you Shaina, and am sending lots of love to you "right now"!--This is Nicki--or maybe Ryan just always checks your blog. Something you and I should be a little concerned about:)

dippyrooroo said...

I admire your honesty so much! Thanks for sharing the things that are in your heart.

Ande said...

My thoughts are often with you and I wish that we were closer to help. I also enjoyed being pregnant ( except the being sick and then the part when you are ready to pop) Let me know if you need anything. Sounds like the kids are all doing well and growing like weeds.

hydee said...

Made me cry, you are amazing and I wish for you and your family the best.