Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Midnight Expectations

There are a few things you expect to happen in the middle of the night, when you are large with child. Unfortunately, these are not usually anticipated to be pleasant. Let's talk sleep position. For me, when my stomach region isn't swollen with a growing child, I sleep on my belly. I completely flatten out across my mattress, arms cozily crossed under my pillow and supporting my head, with one leg straight and the other bent out, forming a right angle. Sometimes this bent leg crosses over to the space occupied by the husband and there is question over who is taking up more room, but for the most part, this sleep position is not only acceptable, but delightfully comfortable.

As pregnancy progresses, this position becomes anything but comfortable. I try to make it last as long as possible. I strategically place a pillow under my hips to give a bit more clearance to my belly, and lie as much towards my belly as possible, but soon enough, not only does that make me feel compressed and achy, but I get complaints from the baby that he doesn't appreciate taking the brunt of my body weight upon him.

So even with the 13 pillows that you place between your knees, under your hips, around your head, and behind your back, it still seems almost impossible to get in a comfy position to sleep. Then, even if you manage a great position, your body doesn't want to stay in one position for very long, and you soon discover that it is time to roll over onto your other side, (which is no easy feat considering it's like trying to roll over a cement truck), you adjust all the 27 pillows again, kick out of the blankets that seem to molest you with heat, and pray desperately that you can arrange your awkward self again and slip peacefully back into the restless slumber you have come to embrace at this late stage of pregnancy.

Now, this shift in body weight not only takes all the strength you can muster, it also tends to wake up the baby, who then is so delighted in the new found position change, that he takes advantage of it by showing off his new muscles. For the next 30 minutes you are audience to the twists, stretches, bumps, and shakes that leave you with mixed emotion. On the one hand, you are desperately exhausted and just want the baby to quiet down, but on the other hand, you are extremely impressed and very proud at how strong your baby is, and you know that someday you will miss this unique feeling of the baby moving around inside you.

Already the baby has taken after you, and has a pillow that he likes to cozy up to as well. This pillow is called your bladder. It's amazing how quickly your bladder gets to the bursting point. It's not something you can ignore, and one innocent movement from the baby can bring you to pain if you try to wait too long. It can also bring a change of new underclothing, but lets just assume you make it to the bathroom in time.

Struggling out of bed, leaving a trail of 36 pillows, tripping over toys and shoes, just trying to stay focused on remaining upright as you walk...all of this occupies your thoughts as you make your way to the bathroom for the upteenth time that night. You are on auto-pilot as you collapse none too gracefully on the toilet seat, ready to relieve your bursting bladder. Three seconds later, you are done going to the bathroom, and once again, you have a hard time accepting how inadequate your bladder is at holding on to such a small amount, and don't even bother to flush. You'll do it in the morning.

After hoisting yourself up back in bed and adjusting your body, the 57 pillows, the blankets, and pushing aside your husband's sleeping body to give your mammoth self room to spread out, you lie there, suffering from the false hope that you can just drift off into peaceful slumber again. No such luck.

Of course, all of that is welcoming compared with the alternative. Let's go back to the journey to the toilet. You are still half asleep. You plop yourself down on the toilet, because lets face it...all your muscles have gone to mush and you are desperate to relieve yourself anyway. However, this time things are different. Little did you know, that while you were sleeping between potty breaks, the husband had a potty break of his own. The toilet seat, which you seem to have taken for granted up to this point, is not in it's expected position.

I'll leave it at that.


"Hello... It's Me Again..." said...

You totally crack me up! I love how you talk about your 72 pillows!

I took a blogger break for what seems like forever and was so happy to see you still posting. Your header picture makes me smile every time I open your blog. Love the kids' faces!

Have a great day, Shaina!

Jamie @ Dear Diary

Bobbi said...

TOO FUNNY! ive been there! i love how you say the babys pillow is the bladder. SO TRUE!

Mags said...

I was reading agreeing with you until the last part. You unexpectantly cracked me up. I have three boys, so I always have to make sure they lifted the seat. If they didn't, then I have little droplets on the seat itself. They all seem to remember the down part really well. Poor Heath, be kind to him.

Andi said...

WOW!! LMAO...that is my night every night. I sleep/slept exactly the same way you do. I'm totally a stomach sleeper and not being able to lay down comfortably for more than a few hours is killing me. But your night is my night and I'm about 4 weeks behind you. Can only image what it is going to be like the farther along I get. Good luck and I love reading you.

Colleen said...

Still laughing...cuz it's SO true! I'm with you girl, through every mammoth toss and turn, every bathroom break, every pillow readjustment, fortunately, however, not through the seat up. Sorry about that one! Hopefully you are currently sawing logs, getting a nice restful nap!

runningfan said...

Ah, the end is sight. You'll have your figure (and your sleeping position) back in no time.

What on earth will you do with all those pillows, post-pregnancy?

Jen Sue Wild said...

Too funny. I have been there 8 times.. It never got better.