Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A New Year

I can't understand why I've been in a blogging funk lately.  I love to blog.  I just feel like I haven't had anything to blog about.  The CHRISTmas service kept my blog busy last month, but I should have had many more posts about our regular activities.  I didn't even take any pictures on Christmas.  Crazy.

It's hard to admit to myself that maybe I'm a bit down.  I hear that's common, especially after the holidays are over.    There are probably things that attribute to this, more than my emotional well-being.  I worry about a lot of things.  I am constantly trying to figure out how to make things work better.

For example, I manage our household finances.  This isn't to say that The Husband isn't capable. It's more that I've always run the finances, and so I continue to do it.  I like doing it.   But with that, comes the constant worry of making sure things get paid on time; balancing the bills so nothing gets left out; making sure the bills are scattered evenly through the month so we aren't stretched too much during one pay period.  One reason I started selling things on Etsy was to help pay some bills.  Now, the holiday season is over.  The Farmer's Markets won't begin until spring, and I'm worried about finances.  So that's one thing that I'm focused on, but don't have a solution to.  (One thing I'm working towards is becoming a super coupon-er!  If any of you have great websites and tips, I'd love to hear them.)

Another thing that worries me is Kimble's health.  Yes, he is doing great right now.  I try not to think that things could change for the worse, but it is always a possibility with heart patients, and most especially withe Kimble.  He'll have more testing later this year, in preparation for his next surgery this fall, and it worries me.  It worries me big time.  I don't know how I can handle him going through another surgery.  It takes so much out of me.  I feel selfish for saying that, but the anticipation, the worry, the ups and downs, seeing your sweet baby sedated and ventilated and intubated and monitored, his scar open and swollen again, hearing him whimper and hurt...and so much more.  I know he has it worse than me, but from a mother's perspective, it's just about the worse thing you can go through. 

I tell myself everyday, that he will have another surgery.  He will make it through the surgery.  He will do great with the recovery.  The truth is, that I don't know that.  Being positive is one thing, but it's completely out of my control.  I've always felt like Kimble's life here on earth was temporary.  We are blessed to have him in our family (forever), but the earthly time with him may be short.  I hate that.  I don't want to have my time limited with him.  And maybe I won't.  The Husband feels differently, in that he thinks Kimble will have a strong and LONG life.  I really hope so.

I've gotten re-committed to being healthy again.  Time off for the holidays not only made me feel like a big fat blob, but it made my happiness suffer a bit.  If anyone reads my fitness blog (linked on the right sidebar) I've gotten back in the habit of eating right and exercising, and actually made resolutions.  I'm ready to work hard to get my reward. Watch it happen.

So with school starting again tomorrow, I think I'll have some quiet around the house to re-focus. I should have more things to blog about.  I hope to not feel so down.

I've also contemplated making it so that my blog doesn't allow comments.  Reason being: I hardly get comments.  I L.O.V.E. hearing from my readers, but on days I don't get any comments, I take it personal.  Maybe people just don't comment much anymore.  At least, I tell myself that, but then look at other people's blogs and see that they get tons of comments.  I don't think I'm alone in this feeling.  It's always nice to get feedback, and reassurance that people still care about you.  I know people read my blog.  I see the numbers.  So maybe by not allowing comments to happen, I won't get any expectations about comments.  Maybe.  We'll see.

For now, feel free to share your thoughts.  I love hearing from you.  Oh, and please give me couponing tips if you have them!

23 comments:

21 days said...

Hello! I just wanted to pop in and let you know that I enjoy reading your fitness blog. I fell off the clean eating bandwagon over the holidays and am willing to re-commit like you. Have a great evening!

Kathleen

Sharon said...

I love your blog. I think that everyone worries, its when you focus on everything that worries you that can be a bad thing. One thing I think is helpful is when you write something down that you are glad happened. Or something that is funny that the kids said. I know what you mean about the comment thing, I'm guilty about not always leaving a comment. But since my blog is for me to remember things, I try not to think about how great more comments would be and am just happy I wrote down what the kids did that day. Love you sister!

amanda said...

hey, just wanted to let you know I really enjoy reading your blog. I am one of your readers that doesn't comment - actually this is probably my 2nd comment ever, on any blog. I love reading about your adorable kids. I pray for your baby boy. I share your concern of having little time with your baby. My baby, now 7, was dx with brain cancer and we were told that she wouldn't live a year after being diagnosed, that was about 5 years ago. Prayers are answered but I fear every headache, cold, really anything. I'm rambling... I just wanted you to know that I enjoy your blog, I love reading about baby Kimble's accomplishments. I love trying your recipes. I loved your month of CHRISTmas. And if you leave comments on, I will make sure to leave a (shorter) note.

ryanamysmom said...

Ok - you made me feel guilty! I read each and every post you blog, and you don't even know me! But! I really enjoy reading your posts! I think you're suffering from a little post-holiday blues - and it's NORMAL and it's OK! Just remember - All the things you're worrying about - they're up to the Lord anyway - so let it go - my motto through my hubbie's heart stuff: Fear or Faith. You can't have it both ways. I remind myself of this any time I start worrying about things that should be in the Lord's hands. Having fear (aka, worrying) is an affront to the Lord. Have faith and fullfil his goal for you: Have JOY. You inspire me. Keep going.

amanda said...

i just typed out a long rambling comment that for some reason didn't take. For the best I guess, like I said it was rambling. So for a short recap. I love reading your blog. I love reading about your family, and getting new recipes. I feel a lot of connections with what you posted in this last post. Sorry I don't comment, I understand what you mean about not getting comments. If you leave comments on I will make sure that I leave a short note letting you know that I was here.

Mags said...

Well, I am not an avid commenter, but I do read your blog Shaina. I think you are quite good at writing too. To be able to relate to people through your writing is a gift. So, sorry for the lack of comments from my end.

Jen Sue Wild said...

I hope you can worry less this year. Good luck withg working out and getting fit I know you can do it!!

DougandSheilah said...

No one leaves comments on my blog but I still have it just in case someone wants to. I know how you feel though about the comments. Something you might add is the like it buttons and such. One site I go to for coupons is ppgazette.com. It's like three sites in one.

runningfan said...

I'm here...just a lazy non-commenter! I suspect that many people use something like Google Reader, which requires extra clicks to get to the actual blog. That's what I tell myself, anyway! Good luck with your resolutions. :)

joolzmac said...

Don't delete the comments option. If we can never communicate with you then you may as well be talking to the wall. I will make it my NY resolution to comment more on blogs. I myself, love getting comments!

Cheers - Joolz

Karen and Matt said...

I love love love your blog! You are an amazing person, and I love to read about what you have to say. You totally inspire me. I wish that I could have gotten to know you better at Travis. I know how you feel about the comments. I go through spurts of thinking nobody cares about me because I have no comments. Then I start to see what I have written and it's a journal. I'm grateful to have written down things. I have you to thank because you got me started on blogging. Thank you so much! I'm sorry that you are feeling down. Life just gets overwhelming. I hope you can figure it all out. I'm sorry that you have so many worries about Kimble. That is so hard, to have that constant worry in the back of your head. Enjoy every moment with him and make it count! I read your last post on your other blog. You have some good ideas, you are going to do it! Good luck with everything. I love you so much and am so grateful to know you. Hang in there and be strong! Hugs!

Jennifer Magreevy said...

I hope you don't take away the comments section. Then I'll just have to post everything on Facebook. :)

Jude said...

Hi Shaina..... another stalker here. I've had my blog for 18 months and only ever had ONE comment! :-D I love reading your blog and promise to try adding more comments. As 'runningfan' said above me, having to sign in (in my case, just my Google account) puts me off because sometimes I write a comment, sign in and then Google crashes on me! Shame on me making excuses.
I'm sorry you are feeling a bit down. You have spent a month thinking about other people (and what wonderful things you've done) so it's no wonder you've "crashed". Read back over December you've done such a lot. Accept you are not as busy, have time to think, and try to introduce some positive thinking every day?
All the very best to you and your lovely family for 2012. Jude.x
PS I've started "copying" comments now before I sign in to Google, then I only have to "paste" if it crashes on me! :-D

heleen said...

I love your blog. And I'm not in the habit of giving comments. Now I know you like reading them I will try to give more of them. I find your blog inspirational and it gives me somethings to reflect in my live too. My three kids are in there teens, but I'm still struggling with bringing them up.
A very happy New Year to you.

linda said...

I also love reading your blog and especially love all the recipes that you post. I have tried several of them and love them. I am also bad about not leaving comments. I also have a blog and go months at the time without getting comments..

I have begun shopping at King Soopers, and between the sales, coupons and ecoupons that I am able to load onto my King Soopers card, I manage to save about 40% of my bill each time that I shop. I also accumulate points that go towards my gas purchase, so that helps with the budget as well..

I am also a worrier and drive everyone around me crazy, by the amount of things that I worry about. I wish you luck this year with your resolutions. I loved reading about your month of CHRISTmas and am planning on doing this with my family next year.. Thanks for the great idea of service..

Dana said...

I too, love your blog...just don't comment either...sorry. I have tried a few of your recipes and they are great!

mom2girls said...

Hi Shaina-I love your blog :) and I love your posts! I have the January "glums" too..yuch, Spring always seems to help & yet it seems far away! Hang in there lady, you are doing great! -Colleen (your email friend)

Shannon said...

Keep the comments! That's my vote, anyway. I love being able to comment when I feel like it (like right now). Besides, aren't 99% of comments a positive thing anyway? So, why take a positive thing out your life? Keep 'em around, even when they're scarce.

Sue said...

I am a reader who never comments, I guess because you don't know me at all, but I still check in on your blog all the time and come back more than once in a day when I am making one of your yummy recipes. If you promise not to think I am weird because you only know me from the blog world, I promise to comment more :)
As for Kimble, I can imagine that there will always be fear for you, but at least from the outside looking in, you are not letting that fear stop you from letting Kimble live a wonderful life. He always looks so happy, well adjusted, and cute in the pictures. He is such a wonderful addition to your family.
I was also inspired by your CHRISTmas posts. It's on my list of things to do next year.
So, thanks...and keep it up!

Ande said...

Oh sweetie!!! I feel your pain in he worrying department. I don't comment as much on here since I can do it o FB, but I love to hear about what you guys are up to. I have been in a funk lately too, but I think that comes with the high of the holidays and then the reality of going back to "normal" life. So for some couponing tips, make yourself a binder with lots of different sized picture sleeves. Helps a ton!! Love yout on!!

w.aiello said...

I so enjoy reading your blog. I'm not sure that I have ever commented before but I love reading about your family. Thanks for sharing your life.

jo said...

I love your blog. I am french and I went here every day. It's difficult for me to comment because... the language . Thanks

Becky said...

Life can get you down sometimes, I am grateful for the people that are brave and willing to share that with the rest of us.

As far as the comments go, don't take it personally. There are lots of ghost bloggers out there. Comments are great, but they should't dictate your feelings about your blog or what is on it. If they make you feel bad, or become a number thing, I would get rid of the comment section. It is not worth feeling bad about.