I can't understand why I've been in a blogging funk lately. I love to blog. I just feel like I haven't had anything to blog about. The CHRISTmas service kept my blog busy last month, but I should have had many more posts about our regular activities. I didn't even take any pictures on Christmas. Crazy.
It's hard to admit to myself that maybe I'm a bit down. I hear that's common, especially after the holidays are over. There are probably things that attribute to this, more than my emotional well-being. I worry about a lot of things. I am constantly trying to figure out how to make things work better.
For example, I manage our household finances. This isn't to say that The Husband isn't capable. It's more that I've always run the finances, and so I continue to do it. I like doing it. But with that, comes the constant worry of making sure things get paid on time; balancing the bills so nothing gets left out; making sure the bills are scattered evenly through the month so we aren't stretched too much during one pay period. One reason I started selling things on Etsy was to help pay some bills. Now, the holiday season is over. The Farmer's Markets won't begin until spring, and I'm worried about finances. So that's one thing that I'm focused on, but don't have a solution to. (One thing I'm working towards is becoming a super coupon-er! If any of you have great websites and tips, I'd love to hear them.)
Another thing that worries me is Kimble's health. Yes, he is doing great right now. I try not to think that things could change for the worse, but it is always a possibility with heart patients, and most especially withe Kimble. He'll have more testing later this year, in preparation for his next surgery this fall, and it worries me. It worries me big time. I don't know how I can handle him going through another surgery. It takes so much out of me. I feel selfish for saying that, but the anticipation, the worry, the ups and downs, seeing your sweet baby sedated and ventilated and intubated and monitored, his scar open and swollen again, hearing him whimper and hurt...and so much more. I know he has it worse than me, but from a mother's perspective, it's just about the worse thing you can go through.
I tell myself everyday, that he will have another surgery. He will make it through the surgery. He will do great with the recovery. The truth is, that I don't know that. Being positive is one thing, but it's completely out of my control. I've always felt like Kimble's life here on earth was temporary. We are blessed to have him in our family (forever), but the earthly time with him may be short. I hate that. I don't want to have my time limited with him. And maybe I won't. The Husband feels differently, in that he thinks Kimble will have a strong and LONG life. I really hope so.
I've gotten re-committed to being healthy again. Time off for the holidays not only made me feel like a big fat blob, but it made my happiness suffer a bit. If anyone reads my fitness blog (linked on the right sidebar) I've gotten back in the habit of eating right and exercising, and actually made resolutions. I'm ready to work hard to get my reward. Watch it happen.
So with school starting again tomorrow, I think I'll have some quiet around the house to re-focus. I should have more things to blog about. I hope to not feel so down.
I've also contemplated making it so that my blog doesn't allow comments. Reason being: I hardly get comments. I L.O.V.E. hearing from my readers, but on days I don't get any comments, I take it personal. Maybe people just don't comment much anymore. At least, I tell myself that, but then look at other people's blogs and see that they get tons of comments. I don't think I'm alone in this feeling. It's always nice to get feedback, and reassurance that people still care about you. I know people read my blog. I see the numbers. So maybe by not allowing comments to happen, I won't get any expectations about comments. Maybe. We'll see.
For now, feel free to share your thoughts. I love hearing from you. Oh, and please give me couponing tips if you have them!