There are so many things that I do, happenings I witness, thoughts I have, and moments where I feel like I'm being shouted at "Remember this. This is something to cherish. This won't last long."
In reality, this is something everyone should feel with each of their children, and I have to say, there are definitely times when I focus those thoughts on any one of my other children. That being said, more often than not, these feelings are about Kimble.
That shouldn't surprise anyone. Perhaps it makes people think that I love one child above another, which I don't, but when one child's life is threatened on a daily basis, because of how his little body came into this world with extra challenges, it becomes more real in every single one of the moments that you are with him.
Perhaps I am too dramatic for my own good. I know that although every one of my family members recognizes that Kimble's life expectancy may not be as long as we would hope, I think I am really the only one that lets it infuse every single breath I take, and every single heartbeat of Kimble's that I feel through his scarred chest. I am absolutely saturated with love for him, and overwhelmed at the thought that my daily interactions with him could be stalled.
I have complete faith in the plan of salvation, and that if Kimble's mortal life ends short, that he will be held in the arms of our Savior, until the time when we can all be together again. Families are forever. We will be together forever, even if we are separated for a bit in this earthly life.
Still, knowing that doesn't make the tears stop when I think about Kimble dying. It doesn't make me stop worrying about his next surgery and the fact that even if everything surgically goes as planned, there may just be another road for us to journey on. It doesn't stop my fear from taking over in the early morning, when I creak open his bedroom door and see him lying still in his bed.
Maybe I'm too focused on myself and my selfish thoughts of how much I will miss him. When I look through pictures, I realize that he isn't just my sweet little baby boy who says "momma" with the cutest voice imaginable.
He is the little brother who likes to race his brothers and sisters down the stairs on their bellies.
He is the one who shouts "yay!" when we take him for a walk around the block in his stroller, and who everyone fights to get a turn to push him.
He makes sliding down on your belly, head first, through the twisty slide fun again for the kids who are too old during school hours to play on the slides. He is the teeter to someone else's totter.
He is someone who will play tag with his sister for as long as she will let him, and then when he sees a camera, he instantly stops what he's doing, looks in the camera, and says "Cheeeeese" because he knows that is what cameras are for.
He is someone who likes to have little friends over to play. He will show them his toys and his cars and he will even share his snack.
Kimble will snuggle with you on your bed, when you watch "DeeDah" (tv) and will even pat the space next to him as invitation to scoot closer.
He is the hungry boy who wants the food on your plate, instead of the food on his own plate, and as soon as you look the other way, he will snatch what he wants as quick as he can.
He is the little boy in the shopping cart at the store, who will wave and say "Bye! Bye! Bye!" to every person who passes our way.
He is the little boy who giggles with pleasure when his daddy play-wrestles with him, and he is the boy who will stare out the window all day long, until he gets his turn to run and play outside.
Every day, he puts a smile on my face. He makes all of us so happy. I sincerely pray that he gets to be with me, and everyone else that loves him, for as long as possible, but just in case...we are sure enjoying being in the moment.