Friday, April 18, 2014

Struggle


I've been struggling lately.
Mostly emotionally, due to physical issues.
If I had to narrow it down, it's been due to my inability to lose weight.

"Just do this and you'll lose weight!"
"Refrain from eating (insert food here) and you'll lose weight!"
""Eat small meals throughout the day."
"Drink lots of water."
"Follow a workout plan."
"Do Cardio."
"Do weights."
Or my favorite: "Just keep lowering your calories and it's bound to happen sooner or later."
"I did this (insert amazing plan that worked for them) and I lost all the weight in 6 weeks!"

Everyone has something that worked for them.
But doesn't work for me.

I get the skeptical looks that say "no matter what you say you are doing, I don't believe you; because you would be losing weight if you actually did all that you say".

"You look great.....................for having five kids." 
"You don't need to lose weight!  You are just fine with your curviness.  You have a balanced hourglass figure".

I want to feel healthier. 
I don't have unrealistic notions about what size or weight to be.
I simply want to be at a healthy weight, without fat protruding through my clothing.

I'm willing to work for it.
I've been focusing on losing weight since Kimble was 9 months old.
He is 4 1/2 years old now.
My goal was to lose 50 pounds (which would result in about a size 6).
I managed to lose 35 pounds, and basically had to starve myself to do it, and it took 2 years.
I've gained 12 back.

No matter what I've done the past 4 years, I can't seem to reach my goal.
I've all but eliminated dairy and gluten and refined sugars from my diet, cutting it down to less than one meal a week.

I work out at the gym 4 times a week, with a friend.  
We follow a plan on Bodybuilding.com (Jamie Eason).
I eat less than 1200 calories a day.

So..I'm trying hard.
Even though I'm not seeing results, I don't give up.
However, it's taking it's toll on me.
In other words: I'm struggling.

I've thought that I have thyroid issues for a while now.
Hypothyroidism, to be specific.
I have so many symptoms that correlate.

I'm tired all.the.time.
No energy.
No metabolism.
I'm always cold.
I'm gaining weight despite eating right and working out.
Heavy cycles.
Depressed (although with all those above symptoms, it's understandable).

I went to a doctor a few years ago, and shared my struggles and requested a blood panel.
She told me to reduce my calories to 500 a day and then I'd see results.
I have never been so upset at a "medical professional" and didn't go back to her again.

So I finally decided to go to someone I trust. 
My OBGYN.

I figured he would be the one that could help me figure out my symptoms;
especially because some of my other symptoms (not listed) correlate with hormone imbalances.
Plus, I needed a yearly exam (4 years in the making).

I made a list of my symptoms.
I made a list of everything I was doing to accommodate those symptoms.
I shared with him my struggles.

He agreed that there are things happening that need to be figured out!
He didn't just dismiss me.
He is willing to work through all the options until we find something that helps.

I feel validated.
It's been so long that I've struggled with this, that I didn't fully realize how heavy of a burden I was carrying, until it was released by my doctor simply agreeing with me.

Every decision, every moment, every action always came back to my struggles with my body not responding to what I feel are simple requests, and things that work for everyone else, but not for me.

We are starting with a blood panel, which was done immediately after the appointment.
Even if the TSH panel comes back within normal levels, my doctor is willing to look further and test more.
That is exactly what I need.

I hope we can get my body regulating itself again.
I'm so tired of struggling.

8 comments:

Robin said...

Been there, done all that.... I'm sorry that you have had to go through this. It's really frustrating but you're going in exactly the right direction. Once you find a Dr. who will listen to you and treat your symptoms and not go solely by a "normal" scale, you're getting somewhere! Now if I could just get your work ethic, I'd be getting further! <3

vintage girl at heart said...

I recently went through the same thing/symptoms.
Found an awesome Doctor and he did bloodwork.
I found out what was wrong and changed my lifestyle and added a medication and found out that some I was taking were bad for me.
Have your thyroid,sugar and hormones tested!
Good Luck and hope this helps.

Becky said...

Sorry you have had to go through this. That is such a hard struggle to have! Thank goodness for a doctor who will listen. I hope you can get the answers you are looking for.

Jude said...

Oh I'm so sorry you're feeling like that. Hope you get it sorted really soon and start to feel better. I've missed your blogging.
Get well soon. Jude.x

DougandSheilah said...

My naturopath said that even if your blood levels look good for Thyroid it could still be low. For me it was a combination of low progesterone which makes it so your body can't use the thyroid hormone in your blood correctly and adrenal fatigue. I'm still a work in progress, but at least we know what is wrong and trying to fix it. I also have a gene mutation which makes it hard to use B12 and folic acid. Good luck! You do look awesome by the way, but I know it doesn't help to hear it when you want to look different :)

Sue5007 said...

Good for you! I know it doesn't seem like it but taking control and going to see a doctor was brave. It's so much easier to just sit at home. Cutting to 500 calories would be torture! I've read so many people online say to lose weight you change you diet, to get in shape you work out. I don't know who those people are but I have to eat right and exercise 5 days a week to lose any amount of weight. I hear more and more about women who find out their hormones are out of whack and how they didn't realize how bad things had really become until they started making changes with hormones.
(P.S. there is a really great free site called SparkPeople you might want to check out. All kinds of people, all at different places in their journey to lose weight. You might find inspiration just reading about others' experiences, or just knowing how many people in are the same boat at you can be comforting.)
Good luck to you Shaina. <3

Ande said...

Love you Shaina!! Going through the same kind of things here. Glad you have someone who will actually listen to your concerns and hopefully figure out what is up. Hugs.

Patti S. said...

You came to my mind yesterday, so I was praying for you. I hope things are looking up, with your new doctor on board. Have a great day!!!!