Friday, April 18, 2014

Struggle


I've been struggling lately.
Mostly emotionally, due to physical issues.
If I had to narrow it down, it's been due to my inability to lose weight.

"Just do this and you'll lose weight!"
"Refrain from eating (insert food here) and you'll lose weight!"
""Eat small meals throughout the day."
"Drink lots of water."
"Follow a workout plan."
"Do Cardio."
"Do weights."
Or my favorite: "Just keep lowering your calories and it's bound to happen sooner or later."
"I did this (insert amazing plan that worked for them) and I lost all the weight in 6 weeks!"

Everyone has something that worked for them.
But doesn't work for me.

I get the skeptical looks that say "no matter what you say you are doing, I don't believe you; because you would be losing weight if you actually did all that you say".

"You look great.....................for having five kids." 
"You don't need to lose weight!  You are just fine with your curviness.  You have a balanced hourglass figure".

I want to feel healthier. 
I don't have unrealistic notions about what size or weight to be.
I simply want to be at a healthy weight, without fat protruding through my clothing.

I'm willing to work for it.
I've been focusing on losing weight since Kimble was 9 months old.
He is 4 1/2 years old now.
My goal was to lose 50 pounds (which would result in about a size 6).
I managed to lose 35 pounds, and basically had to starve myself to do it, and it took 2 years.
I've gained 12 back.

No matter what I've done the past 4 years, I can't seem to reach my goal.
I've all but eliminated dairy and gluten and refined sugars from my diet, cutting it down to less than one meal a week.

I work out at the gym 4 times a week, with a friend.  
We follow a plan on Bodybuilding.com (Jamie Eason).
I eat less than 1200 calories a day.

So..I'm trying hard.
Even though I'm not seeing results, I don't give up.
However, it's taking it's toll on me.
In other words: I'm struggling.

I've thought that I have thyroid issues for a while now.
Hypothyroidism, to be specific.
I have so many symptoms that correlate.

I'm tired all.the.time.
No energy.
No metabolism.
I'm always cold.
I'm gaining weight despite eating right and working out.
Heavy cycles.
Depressed (although with all those above symptoms, it's understandable).

I went to a doctor a few years ago, and shared my struggles and requested a blood panel.
She told me to reduce my calories to 500 a day and then I'd see results.
I have never been so upset at a "medical professional" and didn't go back to her again.

So I finally decided to go to someone I trust. 
My OBGYN.

I figured he would be the one that could help me figure out my symptoms;
especially because some of my other symptoms (not listed) correlate with hormone imbalances.
Plus, I needed a yearly exam (4 years in the making).

I made a list of my symptoms.
I made a list of everything I was doing to accommodate those symptoms.
I shared with him my struggles.

He agreed that there are things happening that need to be figured out!
He didn't just dismiss me.
He is willing to work through all the options until we find something that helps.

I feel validated.
It's been so long that I've struggled with this, that I didn't fully realize how heavy of a burden I was carrying, until it was released by my doctor simply agreeing with me.

Every decision, every moment, every action always came back to my struggles with my body not responding to what I feel are simple requests, and things that work for everyone else, but not for me.

We are starting with a blood panel, which was done immediately after the appointment.
Even if the TSH panel comes back within normal levels, my doctor is willing to look further and test more.
That is exactly what I need.

I hope we can get my body regulating itself again.
I'm so tired of struggling.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

The Wife and The Husband

Kennedy wrote me a story one night.  I love it so much, that I wanted to make sure it was documented.  Thus, I come out of my blogging funk once again to make a minute post; however, I would like to begin blogging again.  I have so much to talk about (and apparently not enough desire to follow-through).  That being said, I really do hope to blog again soon.

For now, I will share with you Kennedy's story.  It begins thus:

 "The wife is walking tords (towards) the husbind (husband)."


 "The husbinde (husband) is waving at the wife."

 "The wife sees the husbinde (husband) and drops the floures (flowers) because she is shoked (shocked)."

"Thay (they) are about to get kissed."

"And thay (they) did kiss."

"And got a child!"
"The end."